Wednesday, January 21, 2009

What Do I know?

We had a great, yet hectic Christmas. We were busier during the two weeks surrounding Christmas than in our "normal" lives. As much fun as I had, I was also disappointed. I had visions of relaxing with David--he had a full 16 days off from work, and we didn't spend a single one just together. We had to get back to real life to find any time.

The chaos sort of spun me around and spit me out dizzy. I wasn't sure where to pick up and move on. I kept praying--pleading for direction because the things that had seemed so right in late November seemed all wrong in the beginning of January. I am still a little dizzy, but I am improving as I try to be obedient. I am teaching the women's Purpose class at church and David is co-teaching the mens' class with Todd--that started on Monday. We are still helping with ARISE on Wednesdays, small group twice a month on Friday, and Norah has started a tumbling class that will last a few weeks on Saturday mornings. We went to Kansas City over the weekend for my cousin's (Paul and Haley) little boy's (Ian) birthday, and we have decided to go to Winter Camp in Colorado with the youth in February. The list SPINS ME AROUND! But I am amazed by my Jesus who walks beside me. He has shown me that this is a busy season, but it is one that He is in with me. I have had confirmed in my quiet times that I am not running ahead or lagging behind, but I need to stay faithful and draw my strength from Him. I really have had a new peace come over me concerning these commitments. On top of it all, though, my dad's health is not good right now. He had to go to the hospital on New Year's Eve and was there for four days. He hasn't felt well since, but he tries to keep going. He had to be squeezed in for a visit with his specialist on Friday and they made some medicine changes. I try to keep lifting him up in prayer, but I have to admit that I sometimes feel very discouraged concerning the whole thing. And there are other things going on in the lives of those close to me that sometimes cause me to feel overwhelmed.

The mix of trusting the Lord to carry me through this crazy season and yet feeling discouraged for others is so hard to figure out. I believe so much in the Almighty God and do trust Him, but it is hard to keep my desires to see fast action at bay, and to remove myself from wanting to dive in myself to fix it all.

The song, "What Do I Know of Holy?" is on my mind a lot these days. I feel like the closer I draw to the Lord, the less I realize I know. " I think I made you too small....." I have been doing a study on John--not the book, the disciple--as a person. He loved Jesus so much and knew Jesus in the flesh. We strive to learn how to be that close to our living Savior, and yet sometimes when that is our focus, we forget to realize that He is also a REALLY BIG GOD. Wow! Personal, yet bigger than I can fathom. The balance can be mind boggling--and that is where I am. I am trying to quit analyzing and just to be still so that God can show me the parts about Him that He wants me to understand right now--I can't get the whole picture at once. Hard to accept--school came easy for me and when there was a piece that I didn't understand, I got upset. I used to leave my high school Calculus class in tears. God is not a concept to be fully understood--I can learn a lot and continue to grow more and more, but I can't expect to arrive at a complete understanding with an "A" on my paper. I have heard that and even spoken that time and time again. Now I have to remember it, and put it into practice again.

Here are some pictures from our fun and crazy times:

Norah on Christmas Eve

Sisterly Love

Norah is ready for tea

Addie and Papa

When Norah saw her pigtails in the mirror, she declared that she looks like a "real gymnasticker" now.

Birthday Boy, Ian!

Leaving KC

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

"but it is one that He is in with me." This line brought tears to my eyes. To me it shows you are exactly where you need to be. Your words show that you ARE trusting him and drawing strength from him. I love you Rachel!